The Power in and Adventure of Being Single•
Posted on November 29 2018
High Blood Pressure.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
These are all ailments.
These are all crises.
But you know what is neither an ailment nor a crisis? Being single. There is no shortage of social media posts, books, blogs, self-proclaimed gurus, podcasts and events focused on trying to eradicate singlehood. However, at The Good Girl Mafia we have a different perspective and both Diana and I personally know the power, beauty and empowerment of being single. As humans, we are social beings and flourish when we connect with each other but not only in a romantic space. Every encounter we have with another is a beautiful dance, an exchange of energy that either expands or constricts the heart space and mind of all parties involved. However, the quality of the relationship you have with self, influences and determines the type of energy you bring to every encounter. So are you expanding or constricting? Let's discuss.
One of the most beautiful ways to expand a space is through knowing and loving self. See when you know and love yourself there are a few things you know for certain:
1. You are not in competition with anyone.
2. You are more than enough just as you are.
3. There is enough of the good stuff for everyone.
4. You do not need anyone's approval because you are a connoisseur of self.
5. You do not need to convince anyone to like or be with you (romantic, friendships, business, etc.).
6. There is a unique power you own.
7. What and who is for you is for you and you will mutually be attracted.
Life is a gift, one to be celebrated every moment regardless of your marital status. Unfortunately many women are not living a full life because they are waiting for Prince Charming to save them; but to save them from what? Do you want to be saved from your current life? From yourself? If you do not enjoy your own company and spending time with self, why would your dream guy or any guy for that matter want to be with you?
The best relationships are those where both parties are emotionally healthy and mature, know who they are (and love it) and do not need a partner to save, heal or fix them. These couples do not NEED a relationship instead they partnered with each other because they had the ability to expand what they already created individually on their own...a beautiful, emotionally healthy, fulfilling life. So Misha, how did these phenomenal couples you speak of do this? How did they find each other? I am glad you asked *wink*!
Every experience is an opportunity to discover more about self, to peel back layers and add depth. The power in being single is you are the captain of your ship and can determine where you go, when, what and what you explore. You will never unveil these layers in your comfort zone. Your depth is in the adventure, doing things you have not done and going to places you have not been. One thing I know for certain, when you step outside of your comfort zone you will meet aspects of self that you did not know existed and let me tell you she is super dope and she is longing to meet you. This is a major key to evolving into the type of woman who expands energy in every space she enters. She has quality layers and depth and the more someone discovers the more their intrigue deepens, they want to know more, they want to spend more time in her presence because a confidence which is grown from self-love is irresistible to EVERYONE.
There is a desperation that radiates from you when you think you are missing something, when you think you are not good enough and need someone to complete you. Desperation is one of the most toxic repellents and energetically repels the very experiences and relationships you desire. While simultaneously attracting emotionally wounded, emotionally immature individuals because this is the frequency in which they operate.
You are one of us, a Good Girl Mafia type of woman who is capable of growing love and we need you, heck the world needs you. Discovering your layers and depths does not require a passport, although we highly suggest getting one (or renewing it) because as your energy expands so will your desire for global adventures. There are many ways you can remain empowered during your single adventure and here are a few suggestions you can implement today:
Gratitude Gushes - upon waking up each morning do not grab your gadget, instead inhale and exhale slowly and give thanks for life, your health and the freedom to explore and create the life you desire.
Bathroom Selfies - no cameras are required, instead look at yourself and make affirming I Am statements: I am beautiful. I am creating the love I desire. I am lovable. I am funny. I am effortlessly attracting people, adventures and opportunities of the highest good. I am highly sought after in my field and have an abundance of clients/customers, etc. I am powerful. I am using my voice and unapologetically asking for what I desire. I am a woman with healthy boundaries. I am powerful. I am worthy. I am MORE than enough. I am going to have an amazing day, no matter what!
Intentional - Become intentional with who, where, when and how you spend your time and energy. Invest in spaces and people who celebrate you and who expand your heart and mind. Spaces and places where you thrive and feel seen, heard and validated.
Heal it - If you have emotional wounds, seek a therapist and invest in your healing. You cannot change your past but you can definitely impact your future by investing in your healing today.
Me Time: What are you interests? Are you engaged in any of them? If your friends are not interested, do not let that stop you. Join a meet up group, class, etc and begin doing it. Want to learn more about wine, take a class. Want to elevate your hosting skills, take a mixology class and wow your guests at your next gathering. Want to increase your 'sexy' take a sexy dance class. Want to increase your conversation skills, go out to lunch, sit at the bar and chat up your bar mates.
Solo Trips - take a road trip to a nearby city or a long weekend getaway to a place you always wanted to explore. Dress up. Own it. Chat people up. Explore the local activities. Step out of your comfort zone: snorkel, hike, ski, climb a tree, etc.
If any of these are new to you it may feel somewhat awkward, silly or even a bit scary but push through it anyway. You are creating a new norm all with the intention of discovering more about self. The more you do these, you will become more intrigued by the woman you are and who you are becoming. This is the sweet spot. This is where you begin to bloom and the sweet fragrance of confidence will effortlessly exude from your pores. This is the exact space, when you are fully immersed in the beautiful life you created and in love with it, that you will realize, "Whoa! I have some of the most amazing layers and depth!" This version of you (who is waiting to meet you) is now the type of woman who does not NEED a man to save, heal or fix her; instead she is a Good Girl Mafia woman who Grows Love and effortlessly attracts people into her life who expands her heart, mind and life she created while simultaneously doing the same for theirs.
Now this version of you, Ms. Amazing Layers and Depth is attracted to and attracting an energetically different caliber type of man, one who has also embarked on his own journey. If you two decide to connect and co-create and co-nurture a space, it will be one very different than the one you initially thought you desired before you began this journey. This is the power in and adventure of being single. Onward girlie!
Misha N. Granado, MPH, MS is a Certified Relationship Therapist and owner of Love Grows: The Relationship Consultants, a boutique firm focused on healthy relationships.